Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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