I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
