by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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