That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
