And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
