i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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