Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
