the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
