that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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