I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
