It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
