come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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