Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
