Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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