There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everything about him screamed your future.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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