I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The uberlube is also flammable
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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