NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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