I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
