omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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