so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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