i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
