Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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