his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
