We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
