I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
