i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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