I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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