I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
