I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
