Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
