I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize