What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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