This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
