Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
