he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
4 words: hood of his car
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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