ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
