she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize