I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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