Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
