He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
