we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
