Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
