You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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