u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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