I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
