She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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