well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
