So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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