I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
