yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
