Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just pee around me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
