You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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