I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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