I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
