i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
