His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
