How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
