My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
