Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
