Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
