4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
