Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize