Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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