We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
