So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
