We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
