I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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