5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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