In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
