i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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