Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She announced her abortion via fbk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
