so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
